my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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