end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
