i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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