i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
