i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can I color on your dick again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
