I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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