I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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