She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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