My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
