I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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