you have to choose: penises or morals?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
