whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
