Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Less talking, more tequila
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
