Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
