Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
