did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
