plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
