If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
