I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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