All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
