I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
