i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
