Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wear drunk well.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
