Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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