I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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