Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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