I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
