I want to make a zoo with you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
