I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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