Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
