I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
