I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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