I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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