so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The best revenge is premature balding
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
