This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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