Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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