Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
