dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
