my mouth tastes like poor choices
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
