More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
