Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
