I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
