he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
