p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
