walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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