What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
