I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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