she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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