Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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