i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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