There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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