So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
