omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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