Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
