Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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