i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
