I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
