I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My vagina is officially offended.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
